Honestly, this is embarrassing how late I’ve waited to get my Golf because everyone in my family always asks if I’ve gotten it yet or am I studying to get it and I’m just doing things on my own time, not doing it to please them. But it’s annoying having them down my back about it because it’s been like this since two summers ago. I just feel like they’re pressuring me so much but they don’t understand I literally don’t have time because of school.
During summer, that was definitely a different situation because I had more time but I want to do it for me, not just to please them. And besides, it’s my life, I don’t see why they’re so concerned with me having my Golf… it’s not like I’m gonna be driving anytime soon, I don’t have a car to drive with so.. plus my parents hardly like dropping me places and I end up using the bus 90% of the time anyways so…
I can tell you the actual reason I don’t have my Golf is literally because of how much it costs to take the damn test. It’s not that expensive, but it’s expensive enough to be very inconvenient, or unnecessary even at times when money’s running short, so it’s just been a matter of bad timing. I’ve tried multiple times to plan around when I know my parents are gonna have extra money to finish reading my driver’s book and take the online drivers tests for practice but something would ALWAYS come up.
And it’s so annoying knowing this fact but nobody knowing that that’s the REAL reason I don’t have it because I can’t explain it to anyone who’s not my family since I don’t want them knowing our financial situation and I don’t want to bring it up to my parents because I don’t want to offend them for not being able to provide me with the money, as well as, if I needed money I should/could just get a job, so I’m not trying to get called out for that.
But at the same time, my parents have seen my entire struggle with trying to find a job since almost 2 years ago so there’s a chance they’d be able to understand, if even a little bit. Because I’ll have a job now, I’m especially hoping that I have more control in when I can get my Golf because all I have to do is study it and pay. So that’s on me if I don’t get it.
But I absolutely, most definitely have to get it this year. There’s no and, if or but’s about it. It HAS to happen. I’m off school extremely early again this year, meaning I have so much time before I officially start summer school or work to study and then take the test. I’m just hoping around that time is when I also have the money to pay for it otherwise it’s probably not gonna happen in the peak of summer.
One thing that’s bugging me is my cousin and sister are both turning 16 this year and I want to get it before them. Not because I’M hella old and I’m gonna be insecure if they get it before me. I just want to get it over with so that my cousin who turns 16 in April (the 6th) can take the book back that I borrowed from my aunt and have it to use and help him study.
Okay maybe I’m a little insecure that I waited until my cousin and sister are turning 16 to get their license, but I’d obviously be happy for them if they got it when they turned 16 rather than “jealous” or “envious”. The thing that I think would spark my jealousy or enviousness is my family who keeps pressuring me to do it because they’re just like that.
I don’t want to have to have that happen to me. I don’t think I can handle that kind of attention from them, it’d make me start to resent them. And yes I mean resent them and not myself. Because they don’t understand why I don’t actually have my license. It DOES seem like I’m making excuses but not so much.
If they were able to see every moment I was getting to take the test and I asked my parents if they could afford it and they said no, my family would be able to understand then. Or at least I hope. There was even a point where my aunt had offered to pay for it, but at that point I wasn’t studying, didn’t plan on studying, and was way too busy to change my mind to start studying.
It was when I had just got my [sucky] job, was working almost everyday and the summer was just about to end last year. With school starting, getting my drivers license was the least of my issues and yet… everyone was still pressuring me to get it done before the summer ended. They did it to my brother too. Except… he was able to get his somehow. What are the odds?
I’m not even mad about it, really. I’m actually very happy for him because he’s been wanting to get it for the longest time and he’s a year older than me. He was also insecure that I was gonna get it before him, which heck, I could care less whether I got it before him or not, I just want to get it out of the way.